I'm gonna be honest. Last month I spent $85 on tiny plastic babies wearing animal hats. EIGHTY-FIVE DOLLARS. My partner walked in on me surrounded by little blind boxes and just silently backed out of the room. Can't blame him.
If you've somehow escaped the Sonny Angel craze on your social feeds, let me introduce you to teh most weirdly addictive collectible that's emptying wallets worldwide. These little nude cherub figures with quirky headgear have taken over my life, and apparently everyone else's too.
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What the hell are these naked babies anyway?
Picture this: a tiny, chubby-cheeked baby doll (completely nude, mind you) wearing a watermelon hat. Or a tiger cap. Or literally any random object as headgear. That's a Sonny Angel.
They're the brainchild of Japanese company Dreams, Inc., created back in 2004 by designer Toru 'Sonny' Soeya. Get this - they were originally marketed as "pocket boyfriends" for young working women in Japan. I mean... what? A naked baby doll as your boyfriend? Japanese marketing is on another level.
Supposedly they're inspired by those Kewpie dolls (yes, like the mayo). But instead of being creepy vintage dolls, they're creepy modern collectibles that stare at you with dead eyes while wearing fruit on their heads.
And I love them.
The gambling addiction nobody's talking about
Here's where it gets problematic. These little devils come in blind boxes. You pay your $15-20, and you have NO IDEA which one you're getting until you tear into it like a kid at Christmas.
My friend Jess has bought 17 of them trying to get the damn bunny one. Seventeen! She now has three identical watermelon hat angels that just... watch her... from her bookshelf.
Jackie Bonheim from Dreams USA describes them as "wholesome and cute," but let's be real - they're engineered to trigger that same dopamine hit as a slot machine. The official website says Sonny Angel "will continue to watch over you, give healing, and give more smiles." What they don't mention is how they'll also drain your bank account while you hunt for that elusive secret figure.
The rare ones that cost more than my car payment
Back in 2018, I witnessed a grown woman nearly tackle another shopper over a "secret" Sonny Angel at a pop-up in Brooklyn. That's when I knew this wasn't just a cute trend.
Some of these plastic babies sell for INSANE money. The legendary Golden Pig? Currently listed on eBay for over $2,600. That's more than my monthly rent in 2019!
Listen. I'm not proud of how much I've spent hunting these things down. My collection spreadsheet (yes, I have one, don't judge) puts my current "investment" at around $400. My editor bet me $20 I wouldn't admit that in print. Pay up, Kevin.
Secret figures: the Holy Grail of naked babies
Every Sonny Angel series includes a few ultra-rare "secret" figures randomly distributed in boxes. Finding one feels like winning the lottery, except instead of financial security, you get... a plastic baby wearing a special hat.
I spent an embarrassing amount of time last weekend scrolling through eBay listings. The Cock Strawberry Chocolate and Koala Bitter Chocolate (yes, those are real names) were going for $216 each. Shipped from Japan, of course.
God. When I type it out like that, I feel stupid now...
Cherry blossoms and clover rabbits: the limited-edition madness
The limited editions are where collectors truly lose their minds. These special releases tied to anniversaries or collaborations vanish fast, and the aftermarket prices are just absurd.
In February this year, they re-released the Cherry Blossom Series after a three-year hiatus. My Instagram exploded. People were literally setting alarms to order them online. One woman I follow posted a video of herself crying - ACTUALLY CRYING - because she managed to snag one.
There's currently a Clover Rabbit figure on eBay for $198. It's a plastic baby... wearing a clover rabbit hat. And people (me included) are considering selling plasma to afford it.
The weird dog-mouse hybrid nobody understands
Then there's Robby Angel - Sonny's "friend" who looks like what would happen if a dog and a mouse had a baby that also liked wearing costumes.
No one knows why these are even more coveted than regular Sonnys. They're honestly kind of ugly. But the only one I could find online was selling for $147.
The official description says Robby "can change his body color at any time, like a chameleon." I've stared at mine for hours. It hasn't changed color once. False advertising.
Why am I like this?
The blind box format is pure evil genius. You never know what you're getting, which means you keep buying "just one more" hoping for that special figure.
I've literally found myself standing in a store at 10pm on a Tuesday, holding four mystery boxes adn trying to justify to myself why I need them all. "They're an investment," I whisper, knowing full well they'll just join the army of naked babies already watching me from my desk.
Some series include ultra-exclusive versions with only 10, 50, or 100 ever made. Those are basically unicorns. I've never seen one in person, but I know someone who knows someone who has the 50th Anniversary gold one. His response: "already updating my resume so I can afford more."
Poor guy.
So can you make money from these mystery bags? Maybe. If you're lucky enough to score a rare one, and patient enough to hold onto it. But for most of us, they're just adorable little money pits with hats.
And I'll probably buy another one tomorrow.
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