I just saw the most ridiculous property sale ever. This place in Cornwall they're calling the "Dolls House" just sold for £235,000 and I swear to God it's narrower than my bookshelf. We're talking 3ft wide in some spots! Like, what?!
The locals nicknamed it perfectly because you'd literally need to be Barbie-sized to live comfortably in this thing. It's wedged between two normal houses on Claremont Terrace in Porthleven like someone forgot to leave proper space between buildings.
Would you sacrifice elbow room for ocean views?
That's teh question, isn't it? This miniature home covers a laughable 339 sq ft total - with 180 downstairs and an even tinier 159 upstairs. For perspective, my living room alone is bigger than this entire house.
But here's the kicker - it's got those dreamy seaside views that make people do crazy things with their money. The beach is literally steps away. I texted my sister about it and she replied: "I'd live in a shoebox for that view." Well, this is basically that shoebox.
A brief, bizarre history
This isn't the first time someone's been mad enough to buy this architectural oddity. Back in 2006, someone paid £127,000 for it. Then in 2020, another buyer forked out £200,000.
And now? £235k! The property was listed in January and sold within months.
Locals used to call it "the box and heater" because it's shaped like one of those vintage clothing irons. I mean... who builds a house in an alleyway?
What the hell do you even get for your money?
Surprisingly, it does have all the basics. There's a bedroom (where you can probably touch both walls while lying down), bathroom, kitchen/dining area, and even what they're optimistically calling a "reception room."
No garden, obviously. Just a tiny patio with some loose stones and a chair or two.
The estate agent, Tom Reed from Mather Partnership, said with stunning understatement: "You really wouldn't be able to host a family of four here." No kidding, Tom.
The Cornwall property madness continues...
Listen. I've been following the Cornwall property market since my cousin moved there in 2018. Average house prices there hover around £300,000, so I guess this dollhouse is technically a "bargain" at £235k.
Plus, the new owner doesn't have to pay council tax. Small victories, I suppose.
I wonder who bought it? Some wealthy Londoner looking for the world's smallest holiday home? A minimalist who hates possessions? A very small family of hobbits?
Whoever they are, they'd better pack light.
Could you actually live there?
I spent three years in a studio flat in Manchester that was probably twice this size, and I felt like I was living in a shoebox. This place makes that look like Buckingham Palace.
The photos show a sofa bed downstairs with nautical cushions (because of course) and a TV mounted on the wall. Upstairs, there's a bed that appears to take up most of the bedroom.
I'm getting claustrophobic just looking at the pictures.
But then I see that view through the window - the Cornish coastline stretching out, the ocean beyond... adn suddenly I understand why someone would pay quarter of a million pounds for what amounts to an elaborate garden shed.
Still wouldn't do it though.
The ultimate test of relationship strength
Imagine living here with a partner. You'd either break up within a week or become the most accommodating couple in Britain.
"Where should we put the—" "There's nowhere else to put anything, Dave."
I showed my boyfriend the listing and he just laughed for about three minutes straight. Poor guy thought I was hinting at something.
Would YOU give up space for those seaside views? I'm genuinely curious. Because apparently there are people out there willing to live like sardines just to wake up to the sound of waves.
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