Listen. I've spent more nights than I care to admit nursing a cheap pint at my local 'Spoons. There's something weirdly comforting about those identical menus and the absolute silence (no music, remember?) while you're surrounded by strangers doing exactly what you're doing - trying to make £20 stretch into a decent night out.
So when I read that Tim Martin himself had been secretly visiting his pubs and spending absolute fortunes on something that turned out to be completely useless... I couldn't help but laugh.
The Caveman's Bright Idea
The founder of everyone's favorite budget boozer recently confessed to teh Daily Express that he'd blown "massive expense" on a lighting upgrade that's now essentially pointless. Poor Tim. He described himself as a "caveman" when it comes to understanding pub atmospheres, which honestly tracks if you've ever been in a Wetherspoons at 11am on a Tuesday.
What was this groundbreaking innovation? Spotlights. Tons of them. In every single 'Spoons across the UK.
For 25 years, Martin had been gradually increasing the number of spotlights in his pubs because customers complained they couldn't read the menu in the dim lighting. Makes sense, right? Those menus are printed in font so tiny you practically need a magnifying glass after your second pint.
Why Nobody Cares Anymore...
Turns out Martin completely failed to anticipate one thing: smartphones.
"I think it's been a false move [because] people now normally look at the menu on their phone, [which] is backlit," he admitted.
God. Imagine spending what must have been millions on lighting upgrades only to have technology make it completely irrelevant. That's gotta sting.
What ACTUALLY Makes a Pub Worth Visiting?
Martin did drop some genuine wisdom about what makes pubs successful. According to him, atmosphere trumps everything - even those famously cheap prices Wetherspoons is known for.
"If you do a survey and ask people why they go to pubs, the number one issue is atmosphere," he explained. "People will say it's a wooly concept, but we all know what it is when we see it. [Pubs] have got to have a good atmosphere, more than price, more than variety of beers. It's an elusive thing to try and improve."
Back in 2018, I met up with some friends at a newly opened 'Spoons in Manchester. We spent maybe $40 between four of us and stayed for hours. The place was packed despite having all the ambiance of a train station waiting room. So maybe Tim's onto something with this atmosphere business - they're certainly not winning awards for coziness.
The Secret Pub Inspector
I'm kinda fascinated by the image of billionaire Tim Martin sneaking around his own pubs incognito, making notes about the lighting.
"I'm constantly trying to monitor things that I think could be improved," he said.
Wonder if he orders from the app like the rest of us or if that would blow his cover? My friend Dave swears he saw Martin in our local once, ordering a curry club special adn pretending to be a regular punter. Dave's also claimed to have seen three different Premier League footballers in the same pub though, so... grain of salt.
Spotlights: A Shining Example of Wasted Cash
"So one of the biggest problems we've had is trying to control the spotlights, which I myself put in at massive expense," Martin confessed.
I actually feel for the guy. Nothing worse than investing in something you think is essential only to watch it become completely redundant.
If you're a fellow 'Spoons enthusiast, they're opening a new location at some historic tourist spot in London. And apparently Britain's cheapest Wetherspoons has been identified somewhere with £1.50 pints. That's practically 1995 pricing.
Next time you're squinting at your phone to read the menu under the now-unnecessary spotlights, pour one out for Tim's wasted lighting budget.
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https://hellofaread.com/money/after-26-years-ruby-moons-light-fades-a-personal-goodbye-to-high-wycombes-heartbeat
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