God. I nearly spat out my coffee when I first read this proposal. The government's latest brainwave to tackle our overflowing prisons? Put criminals to work fixing those bloody potholes that destroyed my car suspension last winter.
Britain's jails are bursting at teh seams, and now Justice Secretary Shabana Mahmood is scrambling for solutions that don't involve building more prisons (which, let's be honest, nobody wants to pay for). The plan being unveiled this week is pretty straightforward: if you're facing less than a year inside, you'll likely stay outside... with some strings attached.
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From charity shops to fixing that crater outside your house
Currently, offenders doing community service typically end up folding clothes at Oxfam or sorting through donations at Cancer Research. Hardly the punishment that victims are crying out for.
I remember back in 2019 seeing a group of lads on community service near my flat, looking thoroughly unbothered while half-heartedly picking up litter. One was literally on his phone most of the time. The supervisor looked like he'd rather be anywhere else.
This new approach sounds different.
Working for free (and you won't see a penny)
A source close to Mahmood told me: "We need punishment to be more than just a soft option or a slap on the wrist. If we want to prove that crime doesn't pay, we need to get offenders working for free – with the salary they would have been paid going back to their victims."
The money part is interesting. Instead of pocketing wages, offenders will see their earnings diverted straight to victims or charities supporting them. Like a forced donation scheme with extra steps.
My brother-in-law (who works for a council in the Midlands) says they'd jump at the chance to get free labor for all those jobs they can't afford to do. "We've got a backlog of about 400 potholes that need fixing," he texted me yesterday. "Send 'em our way!"
Shelf-stackers with a past
Supermarkets might soon have some interesting new recruits. Imagine nipping to Tesco for your weekly shop and the bloke scanning your groceries is there because of a suspended sentence.
Awkward.
But maybe that's the point? Public shame as deterrent? I'm not convinced the psychology works that way... but I'm no criminologist. Just someone who wonders if the person handling my shopping might have been convicted of something nasty.
Is this just a desperate band-aid?
Let's call this what it is. Our prison system is on its knees. We've already had to release inmates early just to make space for new arrivals. Something's gotta give.
The justice system has been running on fumes for years now. I spoke with a former prison officer (who left in 2022 after 15 years) who described conditions as "Victorian with WiFi." He quit after watching three colleagues get assaulted in one month. His response: "already updating my resume."
So yeah, we need alternatives. But will this actually work?
Your bins collected by... convicts
There's something weirdly full-circle about this. Many of us complain endlessly about council services - the missed bin collections, the roads falling apart, the graffiti that stays up for months. Now the plan is to address those issues using people who've broken the law.
Councils will be able to assign jobs directly to offenders - filling potholes, emptying bins, scrubbing walls. Tasks nobody wants to do but everyone wants done.
I spent $2,300 fixing my car after hitting a pothole last February. Part of me thinks this is poetic justice. Another part wonders if we're just papering over bigger cracks in our justice system.
The whole thing feels like we're solving two problems with one controversial solution... or creating an entirely new set of problems. Only time will tell.
But one thing's certain - next time you see someone filling in that crater that's been annoying you for months, you might want to think twice before offering them a cup of tea.
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Did you miss our previous article...
https://hellofaread.com/politics/winter-fuel-cut-could-be-binned-within-weeks-as-starmer-faces-mp-rebellion
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