God, where do I even start with this mess?
So Nick Thomas-Symonds - Labour's Minister for EU Relations, which honestly sounds like the kind of job title you'd make up to avoid talking to people at parties - decided yesterday was the perfect day to tell everyone that Brexit was never actually debated properly. Yeah, you read that right. The guy basically stood up and said the entire 2016 referendum campaign was just "slogans and shouting matches, empty promises and bitter divisions" instead of what he calls a "grown up conversation about sovereignty."
My colleague texted me about this at 7 AM with just: "Are you seeing this?" Followed by three angry face emojis.
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The Reset That Nobody Asked For
Thomas-Symonds wasn't just throwing around hot takes for fun, though. He was defending Keir Starmer's Brexit "reset" deal with Brussels - and honestly, calling it a reset feels like when your laptop crashes and you pretend turning it off and on again fixed everything.
Here's what this brilliant deal actually does: Britain agrees to follow EU rules on food and plant standards. All of them. Without getting any say in what those rules are or how they might change in the future. It's like agreeing to follow your ex's Netflix recommendations forever, even after they've moved on to someone with terrible taste in documentaries.
In exchange? Border checks on goods between Britain and the EU get scrapped. Which... okay, that's something, I guess.
Farage Enters the Chat (Obviously)
Nigel Farage couldn't resist jumping on this one - and frankly, who can blame him? The man accused Labour of "trying to betray Brexit," which is probably the most predictable response since someone invented the phrase "I told you so."
"That is going back on a promise Labour made to the electorate," he said. His solution if Reform wins the next election? Tear up the whole deal. Classic Farage - when in doubt, tear something up.
A Reform spokesperson piled on (because of course they did), pointing out that "cosying up to the EU and leaving us entangled in reams of retained EU law" isn't going to fix Britain's struggling economy. They also took a shot at Kemi Badenoch for failing to scrap EU law when she had the chance. Poor Kemi - catching strays even when she's not directly involved.
Tomatoes, Grapes, and Political Theater
The whole debate kicked off earlier this week when Labour started pushing for a permanent food and drink pact with Brussels. The Government wants this thing locked down within 18 months to replace some temporary arrangement that currently covers tomatoes, grapes, and peppers.
Right now, lorries carrying these items can roll straight into Britain without extra fees or paperwork - which sounds great until you realize this temporary fix expires in January 2027. So we're basically racing against the clock to make permanent what we've been doing temporarily.
Thomas-Symonds told a Spectator event in London (because where else would you defend controversial EU policy?) that aligning with EU standards will boost growth and cut bills at checkout.
The Tories Aren't Having It
Predictably, the Conservatives are warning this risks dragging Britain back under Brussels' rules. Which feels like déjà vu at this point - how many times have we had this exact same argument over the past eight years?
I keep thinking about that temporary fix covering tomatoes and peppers. There's something almost absurd about the fact that our entire political class is having heated debates about vegetable paperwork while calling it sovereignty. But here we are in 2025, and apparently this is still the conversation we're having.
Sometimes I wonder if Thomas-Symonds has a point about the quality of Brexit debate. Then I remember that his solution is to quietly sign us up for EU rules without any input, and I think maybe the shouting matches weren't so bad after all.
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