God. I've spent the last three hours trying to make sense of this immigration announcement, and my editor just texted me saying "deadline in 30" so here goes nothing.
The Prime Minister is rolling out his long-awaited immigration crackdown today, and he didn't mince words when speaking to THE SUN: "If you break British law, you give up your right to be here." Pretty straightforward, innit?
Judges Finally Getting Their Wings Clipped
Those judges who've been letting foreign criminals wriggle out of deportation with ridiculous human rights claims? Their days of creative interpretation are numbered. Sir Keir's new plan aims to stop courts from undermining removals through what he calls a "spurious reading of immigration rules."
I remember back in 2019 covering a case where a serial offender avoided deportation because he'd adopted a cat. A CAT. The entire newsroom couldn't believe it.
This package isn't just about the illegal channel crossings that dominate headlines. It's targeting the hundreds of thousands arriving legally each year through work, study, and family visas.
Want to Stay? Better Settle in for the Long Haul
Most migrants will now need to wait a full decade before applying for settlement - double the current five-year requirement. Only teh highly-skilled workers who actually contribute something valuable will get fast-tracked.
And guess what? Family members of foreign workers will need to speak English and show they're committed to integrating. About bloody time, if you ask me. Nearly a million people in England can barely speak the language, which makes community cohesion... well, impossible.
Care Worker Pipeline? Closed.
Bosses are getting banned from hiring any more foreign care workers. These visas have been a major contributor to migration figures skyrocketing in recent years.
Listen. I spent £4K last year helping my mum find decent care, and while many foreign care workers are brilliant, the system's been abused as a backdoor immigration route.
Critics are already saying Starmer's just "tinkering at the edges" by refusing to set a hard annual cap on arrivals.
The Chicken Nugget Defense (Yes, Really)
Some of these human rights claims have been absolutely bonkers. One Albanian drug dealer tried fighting deportation because his son didn't like foreign chicken nuggets.
I'm not making this up.
THE SUN revealed last week that the government was planning to change the law to make judges throw out these absurd claims. Starmer confirmed it last night: "Sun readers are right to wonder what's going on when migrants with no right to be in the UK are allowed to arrive and stay, based on spurious reading of the immigration rules."
"We're going to get a grip," he continued. "As part of the Immigration White Paper that I will say more on on Monday, we will make sure it is Parliament that makes the rules on immigration."
Farage Factor
Let's not pretend this timing is coincidental. Starmer's unveiling this blueprint after getting absolutely hammered by Nigel Farage in this month's local elections. Reform's hardline immigration stance has seen them overtake Labour in some polls just ten months after Labour's landslide victory.
A colleague who covers Downing Street told me yesterday: "They're panicking. Reform's rise has been meteoric adn they know immigration is the reason." His response: "Already updating my resume."
This Immigration White Paper was first promised back in November after public outrage at net migration hitting 728,000 in 2024 (down from a mind-boggling 906,000 in 2023).
Wait... Migration ISN'T Good for the Economy?
In what feels like a seismic shift, ministers yesterday finally admitted that decades of soaring migration haven't actually benefited the economy. No. 10 stated the "open borders experiment" has strained public services, driven up housing costs, and seen Brits passed over for jobs in favor of cheaper foreign workers.
That's a massive U-turn from the Treasury's long-standing position that migration boosts economic growth. I feel stupid now for repeating that line in at least 20 articles over the years.
The PM is expected to tell the nation this morning: "For years we have had a system that encourages businesses to bring in lower-paid workers, rather than invest in our young people. That is the Britain this broken system has created."
No Target (Again)
Home Secretary Yvette Cooper has ruled out setting a target for net migration, pointing to successive Tory governments' failure to hit their goals. She claims the new restrictions on care and low-skilled workers alone will reduce visas by 50,000 by year-end.
Annual net migration is already forecast to settle around 300,000 in the next five years after peaking near a million in 2023.
Tory Shadow Home Secretary Chris Philp wants numbers "substantially lower than that" and is demanding a binding cap on yearly arrivals. He dismissed Labour's package, saying "the idea that Starmer is tough on immigration is a joke."
Philp added: "Starmer is the same man who wrote letters protesting against deporting dangerous foreign criminals and has overseen the worst ever start to a year for illegal immigrants crossing the Channel."
Reform was even blunter, calling the plan "doomed to fail" because it "merely tinkers around the edges."
Poor Keir. Like a man trying to bail out the Titanic with a teacup.
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