The Most Ridiculous Political Theater I've Seen All Year

By HOAR Team 31 May, 2025 5 mins read 102 Views

So here's what's about to go down in Westminster, and honestly? I can't decide if I should laugh or cry.

Kemi Badenoch just pulled what might be the most cynical political move I've witnessed since... well, since last Tuesday. She's ordering her Tory MPs to vote AGAINST welfare cuts. Let that sink in for a second. The Conservatives. Voting against benefit cuts. In 2025.

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When Your Enemy's Enemy Becomes Your Weird Bedfellow

The plan is beautifully twisted, I'll give her that. Team up with Labour rebels - and there are about 100 of them who've already signed a letter telling Keir Starmer where he can shove his £5billion savings - and try to hand the PM his first major defeat.

My mate who works in the whips office texted me yesterday: "It's going to be carnage. Absolute carnage." And he's not wrong.

Starmer's got a working majority of 165. Sounds comfortable, right? Wrong. The Tories have 120 MPs, and if even half of those Labour rebels actually grow a spine when it comes to the vote...

Well. Math was never my strong suit, but even I can see this doesn't add up well for Number 10.

The Twist That Makes This Even More Bonkers

Here's the kicker that made me spit out my coffee this morning. The Tories aren't opposing these cuts because they think they're too harsh.

They're opposing them because they don't go far enough.

I mean, come on. This is like watching someone complain that their poison isn't quite poisonous enough while simultaneously trying to stop you from drinking it. The cognitive dissonance is giving me whiplash.

What One Government Source Told Me (Off the Record, Obviously)

"We could lose the vote if the Tories team up with Labour MPs to vote against the measures," this person said, and I swear I could hear the panic in their voice even over the phone.

"The rebellion is going to be awful. There will be MPs in tears. It will breed some real resentment towards No10 and it could even cause a permanent rift."

MPs in tears. In 2025. Over benefit cuts that everyone knows need to happen but nobody wants their name attached to.

Liz Kendall's Impossible Job

Poor Liz Kendall. Seriously, I wouldn't wish her job on my worst enemy right now. She's out there trying to sell these reforms like they're some kind of gift to the British people.

"Unless we reform the system to help those who can work to do so," she said earlier this month, probably knowing full well that half her own party was about to stab her in the back, "unless we get social security spending on a more sustainable footing... the risk is the welfare state won't be there for people who really need it in future."

She's not wrong, by the way. The numbers are genuinely terrifying.

The Numbers That Keep Treasury Officials Awake at Night

Britain's welfare bill has been growing like a tumor since Covid hit. And before you roll your eyes and think I'm being dramatic - £70billion a year by 2030. That's what we're looking at for working-age sickness and disability benefits alone.

Seventy. Billion. Pounds.

That's not sustainable, and everyone in Westminster knows it. But actually doing something about it? That requires the kind of political courage that's been in short supply lately.

So instead we get this circus. Tories pretending to care about welfare recipients while simultaneously arguing the cuts should be deeper. Labour MPs signing letters they probably hope they'll never have to act on. And Starmer stuck in the middle, trying to be the adult in the room while everyone else plays politics with people's lives.

What a mess. What an absolute, predictable mess.

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