Holy crap. Trump's finally getting his military parade fantasy and it's gonna be MASSIVE. A source in DC just spilled the beans about what's coming on June 14th (conveniently his birthday) and I'm still trying to wrap my head around the scale of this thing.
7,000 Troops, 50 Helicopters, and a Whole Lotta Controversy
Let me break this down for you. According to Washington City Paper, we're talking about 6,600 troops marching through the streets of DC. PLUS 150 military vehicles. PLUS 50 helicopters buzzing overhead. And yes, those battle tanks he's been obsessed with since watching Macron's parade back in 2017.
The route? Starting at the Pentagon in Arlington and snaking all teh way to the White House. Because nothing says "subtle birthday celebration" like thousands of armed forces personnel converging on your house.
I actually covered a Veterans Day parade in NYC back in 2019 and it was impressive enough with maybe a tenth of these numbers. This thing Trump's planning? It's going to shut down the entire capital.
Wait... Didn't We Already Shoot This Down?
Remember when Trump tried this in his first term? That plan got torpedoed faster than you can say "fiscal responsibility." DC officials were like "uh, your tanks will destroy our roads" and pointed to a $91 million price tag.
Mayor Bowser basically told him to pound sand. Trump got all huffy on social media (some things never change) and claimed the city was trying to fleece him.
But now? Second term Trump apparently gets what second term Trump wants.
This is gonna cost a fortune.
The Birthday Boy Gets His Wish
Listen. I'm not saying the man planned this specifically to coincide with his birthday, but... who am I kidding? Of course he did. The "official" reason is the 250th anniversary of the US Army. Which, to be fair, is legitimately significant.
Army spokesman Col. Dave Butler is putting on the good soldier face, saying: "We want to make it into an event that the entire nation can celebrate with us. We want Americans to know their Army and their soldiers."
Translation: My boss says we're doing this parade, so we're doing this parade.
Dictator Chic or Patriotic Celebration?
I spent an embarrassing amount of time yesterday looking at photos of military parades from around the world after hearing this news. North Korea's got those eerily synchronized marching formations. China rolls out missiles and giant portraits of Xi. Russia's Victory Day parades are basically Putin's annual flex.
And now America joins the military parade club. (Though to be fair, we've had them before, just not recently and not at this scale.)
Arlington County Board Chair Takis Karantonis gave the most diplomatic response possible when asked about it: "It's not clear to me what the scope of a parade would be, but I would hope the federal government remains sensitive to the pain and concerns of numerous veteran residents who have lost or might lose their jobs in recent federal decisions."
Ouch. That's DC-speak for "read the room, man."
The Great American State Fair Is Coming Too
This parade is apparently just the appetizer. Trump's also planning what he's calling the "Great American State Fair" for 2026 to mark America's 250th birthday. We're talking a year-long festival with a "National Garden of American Heroes" featuring statues of everyone from George Washington to Muhammad Ali.
I've got a friend who works in event planning in DC who texted me this morning: "already updating my resume. This is gonna be a nightmare."
Back in 2018, I covered a county fair in Ohio that cost about $400K to put on. Trump's talking about a NATIONAL fair that'll cost... god, I don't even want to guess.
So yeah. Mark your calendars for June 14th. It's gonna be Trump's birthday, and he's throwing himself one hell of a party. With your tax dollars.
And he's making sure everyone knows it.
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