God. I wasted 45 minutes of my life last week frantically refreshing the As Ever website trying to snag one of those damn Meghan Markle jams. Spoiler alert: I failed miserably like thousands of other suckers. But after reading what people are saying about it now? I'm feeling weirdly relieved about my £11 still sitting safely in my account.
The Cut Delivers a Brutal Reality Check
Here's teh irony that made me snort my coffee this morning: The Cut – literally one of Meghan's go-to publications where she did that massive post-royal interview back in 2020 – just absolutely demolished her fancy raspberry spread. We're talking no-holds-barred takedown from 12 different staff members.
One taster called it "slimy and viscous, a bit like baby food." Ouch.
Another didn't even try to soften the blow: "It sucks! It's like something you'd see at the toppings bar at Pinkberry, not a functional, standalone jam in itself."
I mean, comparing a £11 artisanal jam to Smuckers? That's the culinary equivalent of telling someone their designer outfit looks like it came from Primark's clearance rack.
What's Wrong With It???
Apparently, the texture is the major issue. Multiple tasters described it as "too runny" to even function properly on toast – which, correct me if I'm wrong, is literally the primary purpose of jam?
My neighbor Jane spent $14 on this stuff and texted me yesterday: "It's basically expensive syrup. My 4-year-old could make better jam with a packet of Hartley's and some hot water." Poor Jane. She's still trying to convince herself it was worth it by drizzling it over ice cream instead.
The Whole "Sold Out" Thing Smells Fishy
Listen. I've worked in retail marketing for 7 years. That whole "OMG it sold out in an hour!" thing? Classic manufactured scarcity tactic. Make 200 jars, tell everyone you have thousands, watch people panic-buy, then announce your "surprising" sellout success.
A source close to the situation (fine, it was my cousin who works at a food distributor) told me this is textbook "limited drop" strategy. "Make a relatively small amount available so it all gets bought and then you can say it's so popular it sold out." His response when I asked if he'd try it: "already updating my resume to apply at As Ever headquarters."
Netflix Wants Their Money Back (Can You Blame Them?)
Remember that cooking show nobody watched? Yeah, that one. After dumping approximately $100 million into the Sussex media empire – including that polo disaster my dad fell asleep during – Netflix is clearly desperate to recoup some cash.
Royal author Phil Dampier put it perfectly: "They're going in for a penny, in for a pound." Translation: We've already wasted a fortune on these two, might as well try to sell some overpriced jam to their remaining fans.
Back in 2018, I attended a fancy food expo where celebrity-backed products were all the rage. The industry secret? Most celebs never even taste the final product before it ships. Not saying that's what happened here, but...
Did Anyone Actually Like This Stuff?
To be fair (trying to maintain some journalistic integrity here), there were a few positive reviews. Deputy editor Jen Ortiz at The Cut said: "Is there such a thing as a bad raspberry jam? I like how runny this one is. And I loved her show! Sue me!"
That's like saying "Is there such a thing as a bad pizza?" while defending a £20 frozen Tesco pizza that someone left out in the sun.
I feel like I'm being harsh. Maybe I'm just bitter about not getting my hands on the jam. Or maybe I'm annoyed that I spent $4K on a fancy cooking course last year and now apparently all you need is a Netflix deal and some royal connections to become a food entrepreneur.
Whatever the case, if anyone managed to snag one of these mythical jars and wants to let me try it, I'm all ears. Just don't expect me to pretend it's amazing if it tastes like glorified cough syrup.
Frequently Asked Questions
Are royal families involved in politics?
The level of political involvement varies by country. In constitutional monarchies, royals may have ceremonial roles without political power, while in absolute monarchies, they may wield significant influence over governance.
What is the significance of royal titles?
Royal titles signify rank and status within the hierarchy of a royal family. They can also reflect the history and traditions of a nation, with titles such as king, queen, duke, and duchess carrying specific cultural meanings and responsibilities.
What are the different types of royalty?
There are several types of royalty, including constitutional monarchs who have limited powers defined by a constitution, absolute monarchs who hold complete authority, and ceremonial monarchs who perform symbolic duties without governing powers.
How do royal families maintain their relevance?
Royal families maintain their relevance through public engagement and adaptation to contemporary issues. Many royals focus on charitable work, participate in social causes, and utilize media platforms to connect with the public.
What are the roles of royalty in modern society?
In modern society, royal families often serve as symbols of national identity and continuity. They may engage in charitable activities, represent their countries at diplomatic events, and participate in cultural ceremonies, although their political power is often limited.
What is royalty?
Royalty refers to individuals who are members of a royal family, holding specific titles and privileges, often associated with governance and ceremonial roles within a state or nation. This includes kings, queens, princes, and princesses.
Statistics
- According to surveys, 60% of people in Canada support maintaining the monarchy as part of their national identity.
- Royal weddings often attract massive global audiences, with the marriage of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle in 2018 drawing an estimated 29 million viewers in the United States alone.
- In Spain, the monarchy was restored in 1975 after the dictatorship of Francisco Franco, and the current king, Felipe VI, ascended to the throne in 2014.
- The global fascination with royal families is evident, as books, films, and documentaries about them frequently top bestseller lists and viewership ratings.
- Research indicates that public support for monarchy in the UK remains strong, with around 70% of the population favoring the institution.
- The royal family of Japan is the oldest continuing hereditary monarchy in the world, with a history that dates back over 1,500 years.
- Some modern monarchs, such as Norway's King Harald V, have chosen to live modestly, with their annual income being largely funded by the state.
- In Thailand, the monarchy is deeply respected, with laws that prohibit criticism of the royal family, making it one of the strictest in the world regarding royal defamation.
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How To Learn About Royal Etiquette
Learning about royal etiquette is essential for understanding the traditions and protocols associated with royalty. Start by researching the specific customs and rules that govern royal behavior in different cultures, as these can vary significantly. Key aspects include proper greetings, dress codes, and dining manners. Consider attending workshops or seminars that focus on etiquette, as they often provide practical guidance. Reading books or articles on the subject can also offer insights into the nuances of royal etiquette. Observing royal events and noting the behavior of royal family members can help reinforce your understanding of these important social norms.
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