Welcome to the summer of love, 2023. Actually, should that be 1953, when women tell men they want “someone who can put me in my place” and the public matches couples by the nearest skin tone?
Kicking off Love Island as the nation recovers from watching a man winning Britain’s Got Talent by repeatedly whipping his hi-vis tabard off, it’s safe to say the reality TV bar is wobbling in the lower regions right now.
Maya Jama saved Love Island from the ick on launch night
Commentators were stunned when they saw the results of the British public’s matchmaking
And after the melting ratings of last winter’s series, producers are obviously thinking Love Island fatigue is in danger of creeping in, so there was a “cheeky little twist” in the opening episode.
A handful of boys and girls entered the villa and The Jama revealed who the public had voted to get together, which led to the controversial couplings, with matches apparently made by skin tone or the colour of their swimwear.
Talking of diversity, anyone who didn’t fit the gym-honed body type seemed to have missed the plane, along with a single contestant who’d strayed from the super straight road.
Perhaps they’d all run to the loving arms of Dannii Minogue for the warmth and charm of I Kissed A Boy (soon to be followed by I Kissed A Girl).
But let’s crack on. Maybe the cozzy livs (that’s cost-of-living crisis to you) has hit hard, but there are a lot of people looking for marriage this year. Well, it’s the only way to save on your gas bill if you don’t get your Boohoo sponsorship deal.
Jess, whose card is already marked to be the most fun in the villa, takes it further with ambitions to be “that young MILF in a Range Rover”.
“Personality,” “good teeth” and “someone who can match my
banter” have, as usual, been listed as what would make up “my type on paper” as the couples start to eye up each other’s matches.
There are some perfectly picked characters in the mix though. André marked himself safe as the man who’s unafraid to compliment a “good bum bum” (instant ick, anyone?) George faked an orgasm during a game of beer pong. And Catherine, André and Tyrique are pure love triangle material.
In the end, it was up to Maya Jama to save the night and offer the promising bunch the chance to shake things up just as they were getting to know each other. Jess and Ruchee were the first to run for the hills – along with Molly they are nailed-on to rule the show this
year.
Excited, bored, annoyed, intrigued, hooked: if you went through all the emotions in that 90 minutes, you weren’t alone.
Let’s all admit it, we’ll be back tomorrow night to see if new boy Zach, with his socks so tiny and hopes so high, has the power to boot off one of his love rivals.
Love Island airs at 9pm on ITV2 and ITVX.
Sparks didn’t fly between Ruchee and Mehdi
Jess and George found themselves in a match – but not for long
