An idea for 2024
Instead of parliamentary elections, referendums, reality show votes and popularity contests, we simply let the BBC declare the most woke contestant the winner.
Already halfway there
We’re already halfway there, as was confirmed by Mary Earps’ canonization at Tuesday night’s Sports Personality Of The Year.
Music from Pete Tong
There was also music from Pete Tong, whose presence is often a sign the BBC is trying to be young and funky, which was one of the two things that recently did for A Question Of Sport.
Political correctness takes over
The other, of course, was vaulting political correctness. Whereas on A Question Of Sport, it lurked in the background, at Sports Personality it slapped you in the face during the Unsung Hero category where they’d covered every possibly right-on base.
Women’s World Cup football
This was merely the warm-up act, however, for the main event, women’s World Cup football — a segment that began with a minute’s hate for Luis Rubiales (Spanish FA lip kiss man) and a Maya Angelou quote delivered, with what sounded more like self-righteous relish than genuine indignation, by Alex Scott, who seems to have worked out she has no great currency unless she’s offended by something.
Unsatisfactory shortlist
The fact he wasn’t suggests that one of two things was at play here. The "panel of experts" was either hugely stupid and ignorant, or it wasn’t and was doing something much more calculated and political. Upshot was, though, we all knew from the very first image of the night that Mary Earps was going to be declared Sports Personality Of The Year, on account of the fact she’d told someone to "**** off" while losing the World Cup.
Football will always endure
They’re wrong. Football will always endure and thrive because it’s occasionally glorious, beautiful and thrilling but also very, very funny, so it should never feel like you’re being lectured by cult leaders, as it did on Tuesday.
Bias is Strictly built in
YOU could tell by the fact they let him dance last the BBC wanted Layton Williams and Nikita Kuzmin to win Strictly Come Dancing.
Unexpected morons in the bagging area
THE Weakest Link, Romesh Ranganathan: "In geography, Kinder Scout is the highest point in which UK national park?" Rhys James: "Regent’s." Romesh: "In food and drink, Rosie Lee is rhyming slang for what beverage?" Hannah Byczkowski: "Whisky." Tipping Point, Ben Shephard: "Equestrian Life is a magazine for the riders and lovers of which animal?" Saleem: "Dogs." And Celebrity Mastermind, Clive Myrie: "What’s the first letter of the Greek alphabet?" Harpz Kaur: "D."
Random TV irritations
Sports Personality Of The Year failing to include the Ray Clemence nutmeg or glancing header against Wales among King Kenny’s Lifetime Achievement clips. BBC One’s Monday night Russell T Davies love-in spinning the idea that Doctor Who’s 2007 Christmas Day show was watched by "30.3million viewers" (it was 13.8million). Beeb News anchor Sophie Raworth uttering the risible words: "Here’s our LGBT and identity correspondent Lauren Moss." And The Last Leg outsourcing its feeble Dick Of The Year stunts to a pair of posh, smirking bullies called Josh Pieters and Archie Manners, who made me feel sorry for Suella Braverman.
Great sporting insights
SUPER John McGinn: "Credit to us for not playing as well as we did on Wednesday night." Simon Thomas: "Everton won’t go down – you heard it here first. And Kris isn’t the first person to say that." And Clinton Morrison: "I’m not telling Haaland how to score goals, but if he heads it down, he scores."
TV Gold
BILL MAHER’S stirring demolition of the "From the river to the sea" bigots on Real Time. Channel 4’s 24 Hours In Police Custody reminding us why it’s telly’s best fly-on-the-wall documentary series about the emergency services. The beautiful finale of The Crown catching me off guard with the piper’s Sleep, Dearie, Sleep lament for the Queen. And Simon Brodkin producing what may be the first genuine laugh at the Royal Variety Performance since Will Hay slayed George V at the 1930 show: "People always want to know if my stunts go wrong. Occasionally. "Late 2019, I broke into this laboratory in Wuhan. . ."
Lokkalike of the week
Bobby Brazier would certainly dazzle as a young Mick Jagger
